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Do you believe in monogamy?

yes, i do
i am strongly possessive and do not share. i am also prone to intense dislike of any female i percieve as being interested in my man as well as violently jealous.

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Current Location: basement
Current Mood: cranky cranky
Current Music: Memories-Within Temptation

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What celebrity would you consider changing your sexual identity for?

Michelle Rodriguez or Kristanna Loken

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Please, please forgive me,
But I won't be home again.
Maybe someday you'll look up,
And, barely conscious, you'll say to no one:
"Isn't something missing?"

You won't cry for my absence, I know -
You forgot me long ago.
Am I that unimportant...?
Am I so insignificant...?
Isn't something missing?
Isn't someone missing me?

Even though I'm the sacrifice,
You won't try for me, not now.
Though I'd die to know you love me,
I'm all alone.
Isn't someone missing me?

Please, please forgive me,
But I won't be home again.
I know what you do to yourself,
I breathe deep and cry out,
"Isn't something missing?
Isn't someone missing me?"


And if I bleed, I'll bleed,
Knowing you don't care.
And if I sleep just to dream of you
I'll wake without you there,
Isn't something missing?
Isn't something...



Story of my life. No one misses me when I leave, so why stay? If I could pinpoint when the hatred began, it would probably help me to fix what has been broken. Bullshit! It began when I was still young. I was seven years old when my parents died and I was sent to live with my grandparents. Evil and cruel, they hated me on sight. I looked too much like my whore mother, they said. My mother wasn’t a whore. She was a good woman and an amazing mother. She took care of me and loved me, as did my father. Even their names were magical to me as a child.

Antonio Markus Valentine. Cristalina Genevieve Valentine.

Beautiful names for beautiful people who meant everything to me. Yes, I looked like my mother when I was a child. I had her dark black hair and her bright violet eyes. I still do, but my hair also has white streaks in it from my first test of life. I’ll explain what I mean later.

My grandmother had a horsewhip. She loved to tie me to a post out in the back yard and just beat me until I fell unconscious. She was a vicious bitch and she got what she deserved.

My grandfather wasn’t as active in torturing me as his wife, yet he also did nothing to help me. He also deserved his gruesome fate. The monster that lived in the catacombs under the plantation got out one night and killed them both. I saw it all, but never said a word about it to anyone. In fact, I haven’t spoken once since that night when I was just turning 12 years old. The night when they threw me down the stairs and I landed hard on my side on the cold and bloody concrete floor. They laughed and told me if I wanted to survive the night, I had better run and hide. I didn’t though. I couldn’t move. I was weak from the beatings and the starvation of the past five years.

I lay there long after they had closed the trapdoor and left me alone in the dark and dank underbelly of their Georgia plantation. Even the rats scuttling near me could not sway my decision to lay still and sleep for the first time in so long. Even the voice that was singing off key and giggling as it neared me did not deter me from this course. Nothing did until I felt sharp claws dig into my leg and claw downwards. I screamed and tried to crawl away. I didn’t move an inch before the claws were retracted and what felt like a tongue replaced them. I broke into frightened sobs when I looked down to see what had hurt me and was now licking up the blood.

I was not prepared for what I saw. It was a man, and yet was not. Long dark hair that was matted and filthy hung around his face, blocking his eyes from my view. His face was white and gaunt, like he too was starving. As he sucked on my wounds, I realized he was drinking my blood. This thought frightened me and I cried harder as I tried to get loose of the grip he had on my leg. He growled and I whimpered. Nonetheless, I did not stop struggling until I was finally loose. I crawled away from the man and into a dark corner where I huddled. I held my knees and rocked back and forth to try to calm myself down. I had almost done so when he leapt on top of me and knocked me to the floor again. My head bounced off the concrete and my vision swam. Everything went black and I went numb.

When I came to, I was naked and in a pool of blood. I gagged and tried to get away, but his embrace was too tight. Without words, he communicated with me. If I freed him and allowed him to kill my grandparents, he would let me live and continue to live unviolated and unhindered by society’s set standards. In other words, he wouldn’t rape or kill me and I would be free of the pain that the monsters that called themselves my family had inflicted on me for so many years of my young life. Of course I agreed and we set out to get out of the catacombs via an underground stream that led to the lake. That’s why I was nude, so that I would swim better.

We held hands as we swam thru the tunnels and into the lake. As our heads broke the surface of the water, he motioned for me to stay behind him at all times. I also was not supposed to watch what he did to the people here, but I made a mistake and saw him as he really was when he drained my grandfather dry of all of his miserly blood. His eyes were a light bluish white and his lips were pulled back in a smirk as he killed my grandfather. He had large fangs that were curved like a serpent’s would be. His skin was pulled tight against his bones and his hair although cleaner because of the lake water, was a dark and dreary black. It hung off his head in lank strips as he fed like the monster he was.

Vampyre. The word that the servants would whisper to each other in the dark corridors at night. Demon, monster, beast. All of these words had been bandied about within my hearing when the catacombs were mentioned. My grandmother had thrown me down there as food for him, only to fall prey to a worst fate that she had planned out for me. He not only drained her, he raped her. She died screaming and I was shocked into a horrified silence that I still live with to this very day. My hair was streaked with white when I woke up all alone in the big house the next morning. The servants knew what had happened. They told me there was a new master of the house and that I had best flee whilst they did, or I would be meat for the beast.

Terrified, I allowed the woman known as Annie to bathe me and dress me in some old jeans and a sweater that once belonged to my mother. My grandmother had never known of these clothes in the attic or she would have had them burned, Annie admitted to me. She had hidden them in case I ever had the chance to escape from this hell that had been my home for the past five years. I merely nodded mutely as she gave me instructions to head outside quickly and quietly.

I had wanted to ask her who the new master was, but I knew already. He had been the one in the paintings I had seen in the attic. He was the original owner of Paris Plantation. He had built it in the 1400’s and had run it until his disappearance in the 1500’s. Somehow, he had been locked away and chained to this place. Now that he was free, no one who served my grandmother and grandfather were safe from his evil, or so Annie said. Whether she was telling the truth, I would never know. She didn’t keep me for long after we escaped the plantation. I was with her for only a few months when she abandoned me on the side of the road on the way to Alabama. No matter though, I prefer to be on my own.

Isn’t someone missing me? Does no one know that I am struggling to stay alive? That my sanity is hanging by a thread? Am I so unimportant that no one notices me gone from the world? Should I just give up and stop running?

Running from what? Him. He won’t let me escape him for some reason. Everywhere I go, vampires and other creatures I had believed to be only fairytales were coming out of the woodwork. They would attack and frighten or kill whomever was kind enough to take me in. I just want to be loved. Why does he have to hurt people over me? I’ve never spoken to anyone, let alone given away his secrets, so why chase after me? I don’t know what to do sometimes. I have so many questions, but no answers. There is only fear in my world right now.

Every time I think I am safe and well hidden, one of the monsters shows up and terrorizes the people I’m with until they blame it all on me and kick me out without a care for my safety. I run again and again. I’m tired of running though. I’m seventeen now and have a job as a waitress at an all night roadside diner named simply “Juno’s Diner”. I live in a small RV. I own said vehicle, so whenever they show up, I simply run them over and forget about it the next day. Them being run over doesn’t kill them unfortunately and every now and again, I have to leave the town I am living in and go elsewhere when too many of them flock to my spot.

“Come back to me”, a voice echoes in the night as I walk home from the diner three weeks after I got here.

I ignore it and huddle in my thin jacket as a rush of cold wind nearly knocks me down. Another fucking vampire who just can’t catch a clue. This one is a woman and snarls as she stupidly charges me. A gunshot cracks and her head explodes into a fine dust that is carried away by the cold night air.

I smile in thanks at the elderly man with the shotgun who just blew the bitch away.

“No problem, Lola. You’re the sweetest girl in the trailer park and I don’t want you to have to leave on account of these low life, bloodsucking varmints”, Gus praises me happily before going back into his own home.

He was the first to find out about my little problem, and he was the first to start protecting me from them as well. Up until now, they had just wanted to capture me. Now though, some of them try to kill me. I’ve also noticed that it is mainly the women who try to kill me more so than the men. This confuses me, I’ll admit. Everyone in the trailer park knows about them and most of them try to help, but some just prefer to stay out of it completely. I can’t say as I blame them though. I don’t even like dealing with this every single night, so why should a complete stranger feel any differently?

“Come back to me”, the voice echoes again and again in my mind the next day at work.

I moved my schedule around a bit for this week. In two days is the anniversary of my beloved parents’ deaths. I knew I would need some time off for it, so I’ve been working overtime all week. Instead of my normal 10 hour shifts, I’ve been having 18 hour shifts which leave me plain old exhausted, but I find it worth it.

“Lola, there’s a woman here to speak with you. Says it’s urgent. Go ahead and take your break and I’ll bring your food over to you, alright?” Cami says and takes the tray from my shaking hands.

I go out to the front and look around. A woman that I do not recognize waves at me and motions me over to her table. I walk over to her and sit down across from her. She is dressed in all black and reminds me of the monsters who stalk me constantly. The only difference being, it’s daylight and she’s sitting in a window booth where the sun shines brightly.

“Are you Lola Angelina Valentine?” the woman asks me.

I nod and wait.

“Good. I’m glad I finally found you. My client is legally your benefactor and has been searching for you for quite some time. Now, is it true that you cannot speak?” she explains and ends with a question that frankly I get tired of hearing.

If he sent her, she may have to be killed. I nod again and tip my head in a questioning manner.

“My client is the owner of Paris Plantation in Verona, Georgia. He says that one of the servants kidnapped you after your grandparents’ grisly murders. I’m here to return you to your rightful home. If you will please follow me, we’ll get your things and begin the trek home”, the whiney bitch who never even introduced herself orders me around.

She gets up and makes as if to leave. When she notices that I’m not moving, she grabs me by the arm and tries to pull me out of the booth. I stay where I am, but whimper a bit from the pain she is causing me. As soon as the whimper sounds out, she is shoved away from me and to the ground. She falls in a heap and a notebook and a marker is placed in front of me while she is held away from me by Cami’s husband, Griff.

My tongue sticks out of the corner of my mouth as I write down what needs to be said.


Yummy! A big thick cheeseburger with all the fixings is right in front of me with a huge plate of seasoned steak fries as a side dish. My normal milkshake is replaced by a giant chocolate one that makes me smile. Normally I just get vanilla, but I guess with the bitch bugging me, today is special. A cherry coke on the other side finishes off my lunch and I dig in happily. In almost no time, everything is gone and I am left sipping on the soda. The woman is gone and hopefully she stays away. A part of me hopes she gives the note to him, so maybe he’ll get the point. Another part of me is worried though. What if he sees the note as a way for me to tell and comes after me himself or gives the orders to eliminate me at any cost?

Finally, I’m off work for the next week! Yeah, Griff actually gave me the whole week off! He said that since Halloween is coming up soon, I need to get my stuff together for the haunted town that was being worked on as he spoke. They do it every year here, and I love it. I’ve been here for two years now. I could actually afford a house now from my savings and all, but I stay where I am happy.

My alarm goes off and wakes me from my rather gory nightmare. It was so sudden though, that I shot up and ended up falling out of my royal purple bed. ‘Fuck’, I cursed in my head as I tried to stand up only to fall back down again. For some reason, it feels like my RV is moving, but that’s impossible. I crawl up the front and gasp at what I see. The bitch is fucking driving my RV! I wait until she stops at a red light and punch her in the back of her head. I get into the driver’s seat after locking her in the bathroom and look out the windows to see where I am. I’m at the city’s limit. She must have broken in while I was asleep and jacked my ride!

“LET ME OUT! YOUNG LADY, YOU WILL RUE THIS DAY!” she shouts stupidly as I turn the RV back around and drive back home.

Once Griff and the others here about this, she is so going to wish she was dead! Kidnapping is a crime in Fairview, Alabama. It takes me almost four hours to return to my spot. When I get there, my heart breaks. Everywhere there is fire and billowing black smoke. There are broken and bloody bodies everywhere I look. I burst into tears as I get out of the vehicle. My friends here are all crucified on crosses that are newly built. They’re dead and you can tell that they were tortured first. I look for my surrogate parents, Gus and his wife Trixie. When I find them though, I wish I hadn’t. I fall to my knees and vomit profusely. As I’m puking, a cold hand comes to rest on my shoulders.

“None this had to happen, Lola. If you had stayed with me, everyone here would still be alive. Come home, Lola. It’s time to come home”, the hand belongs to him and he squeezes my shoulder briefly before heading to my RV.

Gus is dead, because of me. He was decapitated and sliced to near ribbons, because of me. Trixie was raped before she too was butchered. All the women here were violated in some way before they too were killed. It was all because of me. It was all my fault, which makes me as much monster as he. I hear a woman’s scream and turn my head to see the bitch scream as his fangs slam into her throat and he bleeds her dry in seconds only before snapping her neck and tossing her dead body to the ground.

“She was not supposed to hurt you. You were not supposed to see this, Lola. She had to die. Now, come. You need to pack what you wish to keep before we head home. We have a lot of ground to cover before the sun breaks thru the night sky”, he tells me and my heartbeat quickens in terror.

I say nothing and do not move. He comes to me and picks me up as if I were a baby. He carries to my RV and sets me down on my bed. This has been my only home for the past three years and now it’s all gone.

“If I allow you to keep this vehicle, you will do something for me in return”, he bargains and I feel a slight tingle as his lips brush against my throat.

This was it. That’s what he wants, my death. I lean my head to the side to give him more access. I even pull my hair away and then I sit still and close my eyes as I wait for the inevitable.

“Not your blood, Lola. You are not my food. You are more than that. So much more”, he whispers in my ear.

I’m confused and he sees this.

“I want you to kiss me, Lola. Press your young and innocent lips to my old, cold ones and kiss me. In return for this simple boon, you get to keep this vehicle as well as everything in it even after we arrive home. Of course, it will be de-wheeled, as I do not wish you to run again”, he tells me what he wants and it was most definitely not what I was expecting.

I take a deep breath and steel myself for what I had to do. I leaned forward and ended up falling into his lap, which was so not planned. He laughed. I blushed. It was very romantic. Notice the sarcasm there, people. I sighed and rolled my eyes as he dug his fingers in my hipbones to keep me on his lap. Eyes open, I leaned forward and pushed my lips to his. The kiss was meant to be short and mean nothing. Even the best laid plans love to go wrong when it comes to me, I swear. The moment our lips touched, he yanked me even closer to his body. His lips were cold as he had said, but were full and soft. His tongue darted into my mouth and I used my own to capture his if only for a brief moment. As the kiss went on and on, I pressed myself wantonly against him. Suddenly, he tore his mouth free of mine and tossed me to the floor at his feet like I was naught but a rag doll.

“Howard, drive us now”, he commanded brusquely and a man in his mid fifties took over the position of driver.

I lay down on my bed and curled into a ball under the covers. I cry silently. My whole body is shaking and the shaking gets worse when my covers are lifted off of me, and two arms wrap around me. Am I never to have a moment to myself now? Am I to be his whore as well as food? Why me? Why always me?

“When you left, I missed you. Every time I thought you were found, I missed you again and again. You are what is missing from the halls of the plantation house. You are what is missing in my life. I knew you were gone the moment you left the grounds. Like a knife through my heart, you were missed every moment that you were away. I knew you were missing and it killed me inside”, he whispered into my ear and I fell asleep in his cold embrace.

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Current Location: the basement
Current Mood: :)
Current Music: "Missing" by Evanescence

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